Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Part Two: Ironman Canada, BEWARE . . . of pee

This portion of the race took a dreadfully long time. 6 hours and 22 minutes in fact. I will attempt to explain each passing second with as much detail as I can so that it will take you as long to read about my bike portion as it did for me to complete it. It's only fair.

Quick recap: I just finished a 2.4 mile swim. It took me 1hr 19min, not blazing fast, but not dead last. I stumbled, I was stripped, I navigated though the naked-dude mosh pit, I was lathered down (ahem, much quicker than Superman), I was cheered (thanks Bean!) and off on my bike I went. (I think that described the start of my race day even better than Part One).

The first 20-30 minutes of the bike is meant to be spent calming down from the swim, settling your heart rate and ingesting some much needed H2O. It's hard to do when you are being passed by 290lbs behemoths and women who may very well triple your age. Ironman is not a race of egos. Repeat: Ironman is not a race of egos. Right. Moving on.

There are two things you need to know about the bike portion of Ironman Canada. It is far and it is hard. Two other things; there will be times when you are having a lot of fun and there will be times when you would prefer to have rusty barbed wire stabbed into your eye balls, repeatedly. And two more things yet; unless you are in first place, or very very last place you will likely get urine and snot sprayed on you at some point during your adventure. Some of you laugh and the others need an explanation. Have you ever consumed copious amounts of fluid and held in your pee for 6 hrs? Probably not. Have you ever thought; "Hey, I really, really have to pee, but man I just can't bring myself to get off my bike?" Ecually unlikely. Exclusive EB Race Tip #1: If you see the guy in front of you slow his cadence down and he is not eating, drinking or stopping to take a photo, get the hell out of the way, he's gonna pee. I now know the real reason there is a no drafting rule in Ironman. In defense of the locomotive pee-er's, if a race is defined as steady or rapid onward movement: wouldn't it then be counterproductive to slowdown, not to mention stop?

As I mentioned, the bike leg consists of two 'big' climbs and 7 rolling hills in between. The first climb is Richter Pass, a 400-500m (1200ft-ish) climb with the perfect degree of incline, if you're a sadist. Interesting historical fact #1: In some ancient circles, 'sadist' and 'Ironman triathlete' are synonymous. Where was I? Oh yes, the climb. Actually, I want to discuss the descent, but first I must say how great it is to see spectators lining the road up Richter Pass. It's a logistics nightmare getting out there, with all the detours and road closures. Thank you for your support! As I reached the summit I was extraordinarily excited for the subsequent descent. I love to go fast. I have reached 49.9mph heading down Sugarloaf Mountain and it was as exhilarating as it was alarming. I was looking forward to surpassing that personal record on race day. Not so fast. (ha, ha). Once the wind in my ears reached a decibel level that necessitated a look at my speed, I glanced down: 45.5mph. What happened next was arguably the most terrifying moment I have ever experienced on two wheels. Just before I reached 50mph, my front wheel started to wobble, it was subtle at first but with each rotation the wobble grew more violent. Within a couple of seconds, my wheel was out of control. I was sure I was going to hit the pavement going 50mph. Outlook: not good. Lucky for me, I was able to slow my bike to pre-wobble speeds before I was forced to claim a gold medal in the Road Rash olympics. Once I pulled my heart out of my throat I was able to continue. As you can probably imagine, I stayed below 45mph on each descent that followed.

The rollers following Richter Pass, known to Ironman Canada athletes as the the 7 bitches, take a compounding toll on your legs. Each climb saps a little more energy and by the time I reached the final climb up to Yellow Lake I was definitely ready to get off my bike. I wasn't thrilled that I had a marathon to run, but being off of the painfully tiny seat was a pleasant thought. After reaching the peak of Yellow Lake, a long winding descent into town followed.

Once back at transition I gleefully handed over my bike to one of the proud members of the 5000 strong IRON ARMY, Ironman Canada's volunteers (the best in the world). I found my T2 bag (bike-to-run folks, try to keep up) and off to the change tent I went. After the, thankfully uneventful, naked guy reunion tour I was off on the run course. 26.2 miles to go. . .

To be continued . . . (I see a pattern developing here)

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